


Conquest

by siberiasiren



Category: South Park
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medieval, I had this idea in my head for a while, I loved them too much to not put them in, Multi, depends on the character that's talking to him, lots of one off characters in this, me? writing a multi-chapter fic? more likely than you think, might add more tags as i go along, new kid is called either douche or lex/lexus, so might as well write it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-12 21:11:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12968502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siberiasiren/pseuds/siberiasiren
Summary: What happened to just getting along? Lex sighed as he reread the story yet again. He had no real need to, seeing as he was there when the events happened, but despite this he continued, skimming through the paragraphs over and over, trying to see what he could've done to stop it. The story was, of course, that of how the Kingdom of South Park had split into five separate regions, all with a need to go to war with each other.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so just a heads-up New Kid and Kenny are cousins in this fic! It's mostly just an inside joke between me and my friend, so try not to let it bother you too much. This is my first attempt at a multi-chapter fic on this site so be gentle,,,

_What happened to just getting along?_  Lex sighed as he reread the story yet again. He had no real need to, seeing as he was there when the events happened, but despite this he continued, skimming through the paragraphs over and over, trying to see what he could've done to stop it. The story was, of course, that of how the Kingdom of South Park had split into five separate regions, all with a need to go to war with each other. 

All, that is, except for the McCormick's Kingdom, where Lex and his family stayed in constant neutrality. It made sense, their family had usually stayed neutral even when the kingdoms were one, why would it change now that they were separate? If anything they had less of a reason to get involved.  _No one looking at us for support anymore._ Lex thought, setting the book down. He laid his head on his pillow, staring up at the ceiling with a pout. It wasn't that he wanted to go to war, quite the opposite in fact. He found himself feeling lonely however. He missed the others, even if they did constantly bicker. If they joined the fight, he could see them again, even if it was in battle.

Lex shook his head, chastising himself for even thinking like that. "If I'm going to see them again," He told himself, "It's going to be as friends." Leaving the matter at that, he pulled himself out of bed. 

/\/\

Kenny looked down from the tower where he resided. It was tall enough that he could see all of his land, and then some. He could even see the outskirts of the Broflovski Kingdom, where one of his (former) friends reigned. He felt his shoulders sag a little as he stared at the other kingdom. "I wish you'd come to your senses already. You were always the more reasonable one before, why not now?" He sighed, walking away from the window and sitting down against the wall. From across the room the door opened, revealing a dark-skinned boy walking in. Kenny smiled faintly, arms hugging his knees. "You need to learn how to knock Douche, I could've been undressing for all you know."

 The older boy frowned at the nickname, huffing before closing the door behind him. "Like you have anything worth seeing anyways." He replied with a smirk. "And don't call me that. Everyone else I can take but not you. Not my own cousin." Kenny smirked back, moving over to give Lex room to sit next to him. When he did, the blonde rested his head against the other's shoulder.

"Your words hurt the princess, Lexus. I'll have you know I've got a ten-inch penis."

"I could've done just fine without that information M'Lady."

"Well you got it now. What'cha gonna do with it?"

"Remove it from my memory as soon as possible." The two laughed quietly, banter going back and forth as time went by. Moonlight began to shine into the room by the time the two noticed how late it was. "Oh jeez. We should probably let Kev and Karen know we're still alive huh?" Lex spoke softly. Kenny nodded, lifting his head up and taking the older boy's hand to pull him up. Before they reached the door, he stopped.

"Hey." Lex turned around, tilting his head to let him know he was listening. "...I made the right choice with this whole thing right?" Kenny rubbed his hands together anxiously, looking at his cousin with worried eyes.

"How do you mean?"

"The Law of Neutrality. It was a good decision, right?" Lex's eyes widened in response, mouth opening for a moment before closing again. Kenny was about to take it back and act like he never said anything before he answered.

"I think it was a good idea at the time..."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Don't play dumb Ken. We can't do this forever and you know it. Sooner or later we're going to have to fight, whether we want to or not." Kenny looked down at his feet. He was right. The Law of Neutrality made it so they wouldn't gain any real enemies, but at same time it stopped them from having any allies as well. If someone were to attack, they wouldn't have anyone to help them. They were such easy targets too, it was a miracle no one had tried anything yet. Such luck can't possibly last much longer however. They needed to get others on their side. He took a deep breath.

"...Alright. How should we tell them?" 

"Tell them what?"

"We're joining the fight."

"Wha- Ken I know I just said we'll have to fight but not now!" Lex put his hands on his hips and huffed. He was trying to look uninterested, but Kenny knew how to read people well enough that he could tell it was the opposite.

"Why not? We're gonna have to eventually, might as well be now right?"

"We don't have any warriors to fight!"

"Then we'll get some!" Throwing his hands up in annoyance, Lex groaned and put his back against the door. Kenny knew he had won. Poor kid never could hold an argument against him for very long. "We go to Ky- I mean  _Broflovski's_ Kingdom and ask for an alliance. That gets us on good terms with the Marsh Kingdom, giving us not only good mages, but good warriors as well. Mix those in with our strategists and we'd be set!" The more he explained his plan, the more Lex's eyes started to shine with interest. Before he could respond, a knock came from outside the door.

"Dinner's ready~!" Karen's soft voice called out into the room, stopping Kenny from continuing to explain his master plan. "Come on guys! Kev really outdid himself this time, promise!"

"Coming!" The two McCormicks replied in sync. They looked at each other, giving a silent agreement on what to do.

/\/\

Birds sung their songs in beautiful rhythm, indicating the coming of the next morning. Lex had never been much of a sleeper, so as soon as he heard the avians sing, he got up and went to Kenny's room. As usual, he didn't bother knocking, instead simply walking in. "Kenny." He went over to the bed, where the blonde lay snoring. Rolling his eyes, Lex poked his sleeping cousin. "Kenny-Kendrops~ Time to wake up~" He teased, aiming his pokes at the others cheek. Kenny grumbled in response, clearly still not awake. Lex continued, causing him to whine and attempt to slap his hand away. "Alright princess you better  _wake_  up or we're never getting out of here unseen." Lex grinned, puffing his cheeks and blowing in his face.

" _StoooOOooOOoOoooOoooop...._ " Kenny whined even louder, finally opening his eyes to glare at his annoying older cousin. "This is why you're called Douche you ass."

"You're the one who thought this up, dick."

"Fuck you."

"Complain all you want, you'll be thanking me when we make it to Broflovski's place." Kenny groaned, flipping Lex off with a huff. Lex simply laughed. "Now go get dressed M'Lady. And make it quick. Time's of the essence."

"Yeah well time can suck my dick I don't wanna get outta bed just yet." Lex laughed again, harder this time. Deciding that Kenny would be too much trouble at the moment, he went to grab some of his clothes before picking him up bridal style and carrying him over to the window.

"Okay how we gonna do this?" Kenny opened his eyes again to stare at the redhead confusedly.

"How are we going to do what?"

"Jump."

"WHAT??"

"Here we go~"

"WAITLEXUSDONTPLEASEIDONTWANNADIEOHDEARLORDETIEUGHI4UWHIUR37W34GH8RW-" Taking a running start, Lex leapt over the balcony. Instead of dying, as Kenny surely thought they would, they landed in one of the trees, scaring a few animals in the process. The branch miraculously didn't break on impact, allowing them a moment to calm down and realize what exactly just happened. "....Lexus." Kenny turned to look at the older boy, who seemed pretty happy with himself.

"Yes Ken-OW!!" Holding his nose in pain, Lex glared at his cousin in anger and shock. "The hell was that for?!"

'YA KNOW DAMN WELL WHAT IT FOR!! NEVER DO THAT AGAIN DOUCHE!!" Kenny had half a mind to punch him again, but he knew there was no point. "Why do you always have to be so extra with everything?! We literally could've walked out the door and it would've gotten us here all the same." He shrugged. Sighing, Kenny decided to let it drop. "Whatever. Let's get going."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaa sorry this took a while! I'll try to update faster, promise!  
> in any case enjoy! <3

"We should've told them. Kevin's gonna kill us when we get back." Kenny blew hot breaths into his hands in an attempt to keep them warm as the two of them made their way to their destination. His dress continued to snag on random branches sticking up in the ground, much to his annoyance. A couple steps ahead of him Lex sighed.

"Yeah well Kevin would've killed us once we told him anyway. At least this way we'll get something done before we die."

"I'm just saying. They're sure to be worried about us." The blonde looked down at the now scratched-up hem of his gown. Grumbling, he pulled it up to his knees, wishing he had something to tie it up with. He marched on a little faster in an attempt to catch up with the redhead.  _He may be short but damn does he move fast._ He thought as he fell in line with the other. He noticed Lex stealing glances at him from time to time.

"So Kyle huh?" Lex finally spoke, faint smile on his lips. "You looking forward to seeing him?" Kenny blushed lightly.  _Oh boy._

"O-of course I am." He replied, cursing himself for stuttering. "I'm looking forward to seeing everyone."

"Yeah but you must be  _really_  looking forward to seeing Kyle, right?" Kenny pushed the older boy, annoyed. Lex was teasing obviously, but it was still upsetting. It's been so long since he's seen anyone other than his family, surely wanting to see Kyle was justified. Right? Suddenly Kenny felt his dress snag on a branch again. It must have left his grip when he pushed Lex. Unable to keep his balance from the sudden tug, the blonde found himself on his knees, just barely stopping himself from landing on his face. To his side he heard Lex laughing so hard he was snorting. Kenny flipped his cousin off with a huff.

"Thanks for helping, Douche." Lex stopped laughing to instead frown. He opened his mouth as if to say something before closing it and moving forward. Rolling his eyes, Kenny managed to pull himself up. He knew Lex didn't like that nickname, but every once and a while he couldn't help himself.  _At least I only use it for teasing purposes._ He thought.  _Most of the others never even bothered to learn his real name. They did that with a lot of people. Mostly those they didn't....like....oh._ The blonde's eyebrows furrowed in realization. "Oh." He said aloud, too soft for Lex to hear. He felt guilt wash over him, remembering what Lex had said yesterday.

_"And don't call me that. Everyone else I can take but not you. Not my own cousin."_

Shoulders slumping, he finally figured out what Lex had meant by that. When they were younger, the kids used to tease his cousin, calling him by that nickname. Kenny had always figured that was the worst of it, but if it's anything like how they treated those other kids, he knew it was much worse. It probably happened when he wasn't around to help him. 

"Woah!" The cry broke Kenny out of his trance. He had been standing in the same place for...how long? Apparently long enough for Lex to get too far ahead for Kenny to see him anymore. Was he the cry? Did something happen?

"Lexus?!" He called out, pulling up his dress again and breaking into a sprint. Faintly, he could hear the older boy respond.

"Kenny! Over here check this out!" He fell back into a jog when he heard his cousin.  _He's not in trouble, he just found something._ When he finally caught up, Kenny noticed the huge slab of concrete stretching out as far as the eye could see on both sides. It was a wall, the top so high up the blonde could barely see it. In front of it stood Lex, hands shielding his eyes as he looked up at it. He had a huge dorky smile on his face when he turned around. "Cool huh? This must be it."

It obviously being the walls surrounding the Broflovski Kingdom, where they would (hopefully) find His Highness Kyle Broflovski, Prince of the Elves, and Kenny's close childhood friend. Kenny let a deep breath out and put his hand on the wall. "So where do you think the entrance is?" He asked, dragging his hand across the rugged surface. Lex shrugged, letting out a hum as he started searching.

The search was cut short as the boys heard someone call out to them.

"Hey! What do you think you're doing?!" The two McCormick's looked up to where the voice came from. Leaning over the side of the wall stood a young man, his golden hair falling slightly past his shoulders. He was too far up to get a good look at his face, but his tone suggested he wasn't happy. "Speak your names hooligans! Before I decide to take action!" The man threatened, pulling out his staff to prove his point.

Not wanting to start a fight, Kenny curtsied and spoke in his ever-famous falsetto. "Princess Kenneth McCormick, my good mage, with me is my darling cousin Lexus McCormick." Hearing his name said, Lex bowed and flashed the man a smile. Kenny smiled as well, tilting his head at the man above them. "Surely you've heard of us?" At hearing their names the man faltered for a moment, before ultimately putting his staff away and shaking his head.

"F-forgive me! I didn't know!" He stammered. Kenny swore he could see the blush from here. "Umm, i-if I may ask why the two of you are all the way out here? The entrance to the kingdom is on the other side..." Kenny's smile fell slightly.  _Shit._ Next to him Lex spoke up.

"It's been a while since we've been outside our borders." The redhead laughed nervously, fingers tangling into one another. "Could you maybe just pull us up? We've done a lot of walking and honestly it'd be way quicker."

"What? I-I mean I could, if I actually had any rope."

"You're a mage for a reason right? Just poof one up!" Kenny snickered, resulting in his cousin punching him on the arm. The man shook his head again.

"I don't think that's how it works..." He sighed. "Look, this side doesn't get a lot of attention often, so I should be able to leave my post without getting in too much trouble. How about I just take you to the entrance myself?" With that, the man pulled his staff out again and jumped down. Before he hit the ground(which would otherwise result in breaking both his legs) he conjured up a small bubble, breaking his fall. Kenny clapped at the action, impressed. Lex huffed and crossed his arms.

"Oh sure he can do that but he can't poof up some rope." He grunted under his breath. Kenny pat his cousin on the back, holding back a smirk. Turning back to the mage, he gave him a small smile.

"Shall we go, Sir...?"

"Phillip, M'lady. Phillip Pirrup." 

"Oh yeah, Pip! I remember you." Pip winced a little, obviously upset at the nickname.

"Right-o. That's me." He forced a smile. "Anywho, the entrance to the kingdom is this way. Follow me."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> proofreading? never heard of it

Turns out the trip to the wall entrance was a lot more fun than Lex expected it to be. As soon as the redhead recognized his childhood friend Phillip the two of them had gone on to have a lovely conversation, along with an explanation as to why exactly the two of them were here. However said conversation was occasionally interrupted by Kenny flicking Phillip on the head, laughing at the poor boys distress. Lex glared at his cousin, giving him a silent warning to quit it. Kenny rolled his eyes in response, but stopped nonetheless.

As they continued onward, Lex noticed Kenny falling behind. When he turned to face the blonde, Kenny gave him a wink. At this Lex squinted. Kenny had something behind his back, and he was staring at something. Following the younger boy's gaze, Lex saw Phillip fixing his beret, distracted. Before he could warn his friend, Kenny pulled a small rock from behind his back and tossed it at Phillip's head, knocking his hat over and having him cry out in pain.

"For fuck's sake Kenny!" Lex seethed at his cousin, who was doubled over in laughter. Grabbing his sheath in his hands, the redhead began smacking it on top of the other boy's head. "Stop. Being. Such. An. Asshole!!" Kenny laughed even harder at this, despite the obvious pain the beating was bringing him. Stopping the sheath before it hit him again, he raised his head and smiled at the furious boy in front of him.

"Seriously Lex, calm down. It was just a prank. Pip loved it, didn't ya Pip?" He gestured at the other blonde, who was fixing his beret back on his head. His eyes were brimming with tears before he wiped them away and smiled back.

"A-aye. T'was a good throw M'lady. Got me right on the noggin' ya did." At this Kenny seemed satisfied, letting out a hum before continuing on. Lex let out a deep breath and put his sheath back on his belt. Hearing a small whimper he saw Phillip rubbing the back of his head in pain. As he went over to apologize for Kenny's actions, said blonde called out from farther ahead.

"Lexus! Pip! C'mere I think this is it!" Sighing, Lex pat Phillip on the back, giving him a small one-armed hug before following his cousin's voice.

By the time to two of them made it over to Kenny the blonde had already started trying to open the entrance doors. "Oh they won't open like that M'lady." Phillip explained, pulling out his staff. "Here. Allow me." With that the mage tapped his staff against the iron doors lightly, whispering something unintelligible under his breath. The doors soon reacted, runes appearing in a light blue tint. Satisfied with this, Phillip put his staff away before pushing against the doors. This time however they opened without trouble. "There you are! I need to head back to my post, I trust the two of you can make it to the castle on your own?"

"Of course we can, we're not toddlers Pip." Kenny answered annoyed. With that, he pushed past the smaller blonde and made his way towards the castle. Lex rolled his eyes and gave Phillip another hug.

"Ignore him. He just wants to see his boyfriend again." He added with a wink, to which Phillip snickered. "Thanks again Phillip!" He called out as he ran after his cousin.

"Cheerio!"

/\/\

Today wasn't a very good day for Kyle. He had gotten into an argument with his Mage of the Right again and was not in the best of moods. Pointed ears twitching, the elf shot another arrow at the target. It hit dead in the center, splitting the one already there in two.

"Nice shot." Kyle didn't bother turning around, already knowing who it was. Instead he pulled another arrow from his quiver and aimed again. He could practically hear Ike's pout at being ignored. Letting the arrow go, he finally turned to face his brother.

"What do you want?" He huffed. Ike let out a gasp, feigning taking offense. 

"Geez, he got under your skin that bad?" Kyle growled, skin boiling at just the thought of him. Wanting to vent his frustrations, he turned back around to aim yet another arrow.

"He's such an asshole. I swear if he didn't know as much as he did I'd kick him out of here without a second fucking thought." He let the arrow loose. This time it flew over the target, landing in the garden behind it. Kyle cursed, throwing his bow down and stomping off to retrieve the arrow. He could hear Ike giggling under his breath, following close behind his older brother. "What's so funny?"

Ike waved his hand. "Nothing, nothing. By the way, someone's here to see you. Someone important." At this Kyle stopped, ears perking up in interest.

"Oh? Is it Stan?"

"Nope." Ike replied in an teasing tone. He wiggled his eyebrows at the older boy, making Kyle suspicious. The brunette laughed at his brothers expression, rocking back and forth on his heels with his hands behind his back. "I'll give you a hint. It's a princess~" Kyle's eyes widened. The only princess important enough to him was-

"FUCKING KENNY'S HERE WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME-" Completely forgetting about the arrow he was retrieving Kyle broke into a sprint to front of the castle, leaving his brother in the(literal) dust. Waving his hand to dispel it, Ike had to stop himself from laughing again, lest he inhale some of the dirt in the air.

"You're welcome!" He called out, knowing full well Kyle was already too far ahead to actually hear him.

Practically kicking the doors down Kyle burst into the throne room, startling the four others there. Seeing everyone stare at him mellowed him out a bit, blush creeping up his face. Out of the four people in the room, only three calmed down at the sudden entrance. Kyle immediately recognized David(Davíd, whatever) and Heidi standing next to each other. The two of them smiled warmly at the redhead. Next to them stood two others. The first one was a short dark-skinned man with wavy auburn hair that Kyle remembered as Lexus McCormick. The other was...

"Kenny." The blonde tensed up even more at the sound of his name being said. He had gotten taller since the last time Kyle saw him. His face was redder too. Next to him Lexus chuckled, pushing Kenny towards his friend. Kyle took a step forward as well. He could feel his ears burning as he stared at his childhood friend. "Hey." He said simply. Kenny stared back at him, sky blue eyes meeting violet.

"Hey." Kenny shifted awkwardly. The other three people behind him giggled at the two. Kyle spared them a quick glare before smiling warmly at the blonde. It was obvious the conversation wasn't going much further than that, so instead he went to Lexus.

"What are you two doing here? I thought you had a Law of Neutrality or whatever." Lexus nodded.

"We did, but we decided to break it. We ask of an alliance, Your Highness." He added with a wink. Kyle's ears twitched in response.  _An alliance huh?_  He thought.  _It'd certainly be nice to have their strategists, not to mention it'd mean Kenny could visit more often..._  He blushed lightly at the thought, smiling to himself. Before he could get ahead of himself Kyle remembered that he wasn't alone in the room, Lexus staring intently at him, waiting for an answer.

Coughing awkwardly, Kyle nodded. "A-an alliance? You mean to say you'd join the fight with us? I mean, I'm not opposed, it just seems a little odd for you to suddenly ask after years of silence." He added quickly. He didn't want it to look like he was refusing after all. Feeling a presence behind him Kyle turned to Kenny, who seemed to have finally regained his composure.

"Don't get this wrong Kyle. We're offering strategists in return for protection. Nothing more."  _He still talks in that falsetto._ The elf had to stifle a laugh. That wouldn't have been a good thing to do right now. Kenny seemed to have caught it anyway. Luckily he merely squinted before continuing on like nothing happened. "We're asking for an alliance so we have someone to count on should we get attacked. This doesn't mean we're going to actually fight with you." Kyle tilted his head. Before he could respond David spoke up.

"Forgive me for asking, but how exactly is that fair?" Kenny turned his head in surprise, like he hadn't expected anyone to question him.

"...How do you mean?"

"You're asking us to give you protection. But you don't give us anything in return?"

"I told you, we give you our strategists."

"That's not enough Princesa. Strategists won't be risking their lives to help us. If you want this to work you need to offer more." David crossed his arms. He was right, of course. As much as Kyle wanted to be able to see Kenny more often, the things he was asking for was more precious than what he was offering. The blonde turned to him, eyes asking him to not agree. Kyle shook his head.

"I'm sorry Kenny, but he's right. It's not enough." Seeing his friend look so hurt made his heart drop, but Kyle steeled himself. "Surely you have warriors to offer to the fight?" Next to him Lexus coughed. The taller boy turned to look at him confused. "...What?"

Lexus squirmed under the elf's cold stare. Fingers twiddling, he coughed again before speaking up. "See about that, we kinda don't...have...any..." He trailed off, looking at Kenny for help. When he didn't get any, his face fell even more.

"Don't have any what?!" He already knew what it was though. He just couldn't believe it until he heard it.

"...Warriors. We're uhh, heh. Smack dab outta them." David's jaw dropped. Heidi broke her silence with a 'seriously?' Kyle couldn't even think of what to say. So he just stared.  _It wasn't even the right way to use smack dab..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> great job you two. you're so good at this  
> comments are appreciated! I'll try to answer them as soon as I can!


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